Abra Kiddabra
by CopraMeow
Summary: The title revelas a lot, from the plot of the crackish romance to the type of mischief you can expect. Rated M for reasons that shall be known later in the story. Immerse yourself into a journey at sea.
1. The Beginning of the End

_˝I miss dick˝_

 _˝What?˝_

 _˝Dick, I miss some˝_

 _˝Don't you have one in your pants?˝_

 _˝Yeah, something else to look in the morning, you know gaze into something new, not just the usual stuff˝_

 _˝The fuck mate˝_

 _˝I don't know˝_

 _˝Yeah me neither, drink up bitch˝- Bam. A bottle shattered on a head. Grunts, yells, curses and off it goes. Bar fights, don't we all love 'em? The drunk atmosphere changed immediately. The guys in the back continued to play their instruments and grin at the drunk folk. The local doctor was currently trying to choke the mayor, a nurse was performing a Hemilich's move onto a nun. Some of the women laughed, the prostitutes singing and throwing food around._

 _˝Your ass will be my bitch tonight˝_

 _˝You can't get any? Not even the paid ones? That's low man...˝_

 _˝Fuck you˝_

 _˝You wish˝- drunken winks are always welcome. Another bottle flew past their heads hitting the wall, glass bloomed on the now beer stained tapestry. Ugly brown meets frizzy yellow amber. ˝That's the sum of this night˝_

 _˝Yeah, so what do we do?˝_

 _˝Wha?˝_

 _˝Now, shipwrecked, what now big shot?˝_

 _˝The fuck should I know?˝_

 _˝Fuuuccckk˝_

 _˝Hello there boys...want to have some fun?˝- A prostitute approached them, she was a busty brunette with big brown eyes and a smile that promised a long night. Provided you payed. Of course. ˝Yeah he wants someone with a dick, you got one lady?˝_

 _˝What the?!˝- The prostitute narrowed her eyes and took his glass in her hand. ˝Asshole!˝- And the drink was on his face. Terrific. Laughter followed and the prostitute huffed and went to find another customer._

 _˝You stupid fuck˝_

 _˝The faces of you two were priceless˝_

 _˝I don't have any fuck to give you idiot˝_

 _˝I thought you wanted dicks not fucks?˝_

 _˝Fuck you˝_

 _˝See? You got some more˝- New air came in. Someone must have opened the door letting the chilly air in. Maybe it stopped snowing?_

 _Groans. Some curses. Another groan._

 _˝I got an idea but it's stupid˝_

 _˝We're stranded on a block of ice with drunken people, what can it be?˝_

 _˝I mean we can melt the ice, just open your mouth˝_

 _˝Fuck you Kidd˝_

 _˝I mean it Heat, open that mouth and flash some faaayaaah˝_

 _˝That is a stupid idea. No, and my flames aren't that powerful besides, ship?˝_

 _˝We try the blonde again?˝_

 _˝Not feeling like getting a beating. Again˝- Heat slumped back in his chair and looked towards the bar. A tall blonde with long hair was sitting and chatting with another man. He had a bandana over half of his face, using a straw to drink his beer._

 _˝He's hiding obviously˝_

 _˝Maybe he's one ugly motherfucker or he doesn't have nose˝_

 _˝Then he'd fit right into the crew, just like you missing something˝_

 _˝You saying something about my brows Heat?˝_

 _˝Uh-uh, now why would I doo thaaat˝_

 _˝Smurf˝- Both cracked up at the running joke. Heat was in fact not a smurf, he was just part of a small tribe. In a village with blue people and white huts, guarding a forest. No Garagmel or orange cat to eat them. Maybe just tigers._

 _The blonde suddenly turned and glared at them. Kidd narrowed his eyes and flashed his middle finger ˝Classy˝_

 _˝You know it˝_

 _˝That won't make him join nor give that ship of his˝_

 _˝Just you wait..˝_

 _˝So you DO have a plan˝- Kidd shrugged and sipped his drink, gaze fixed on the blonde._

* * *

˝Remember how we met?˝- Kidd asked suddenly. The crew was finishing their work for the day, cleaning the deck, fixing the sails for the night and settling for the evening. Eustass Kidd was leaning on the mast watching them, rum bottle in hand. Beside him, sitting with his legs out stretched, Killer groaned.

˝Not again, how many times do you like talking about **that** night?˝

˝Why are you so pissy? Just because we're close to **that** island..˝˝

˝Oh shut up˝

˝Still sore from it?˝

˝Nothing to be sore about˝

˝Riiight, you're a big boy˝- Kidd said smugly and took a sip. Killer groaned again and fixed his gaze on the crew again. They were good boys, ready to fight for a stupid cause but they all joined knowing fully what they went in. Pirate King. Would he eventually make it? Or would they die along the way?

Sometimes Killer even questioned himself why he agreed to the idiocy of it all. Maybe it was Kidd's flame that impressed him or was it Heat with the easy going nature, contrasted with Kidd.

˝We won't stay long, restock shit and depart as soon as we can. There's an island with some things we need to retrieve˝- Kidd added after a few minutes of silence filled with chatter of crew passed.

˝Who's on the island?˝- Killer questioned. Kidd never spoke about friends or allies. Competition as he called it.

˝A friend. Maps and other crap˝

˝Mhm frrrieeend˝

˝WHAT!?˝- Killer turned his head and observed him. Kidd had a frown on his face, eyes shuffling over the ship and breathing fast. He was hiding something. He coughed and waited. Stared. Waited some more. Coughed again.

Visibly Kidd paled even more, his skin turning pink in some places from the strain. A vein pulsated on his neck and he cleared his throat. ˝You'll see. Stop staring it's freaking me out˝

˝Why is there urgency in your voice? And no you can't distract me with our first encounter, nope, not going there Kidd. One time only˝

˝Sure, you loved it˝

˝Who's your friend Kidd?˝

˝Fuck you˝

Killer laughed.

* * *

a/n: do I need a new story with the pile of unfinished behind me? Nope. Will I write this during exam weeks? Yuuuuuup.


	2. Sea weed toilet paper scratches

˝Would you die tonight for love...this life ain't worth living...join me˝- Someone sang on the upper deck. Kidd yawned with a cup of coffee in his hand. Just before the first rays of sun showed themselves he spotted Killer by the rail by himself. He coughed before approaching. He wasn't awake properly and he didn't want a scythe in his face first thing in the morning.

˝We're approaching the island˝- Kidd commented silently. There was a faint outline just on the horizon of white peaks.

˝Mhm˝

˝Still singing?˝

˝Do you hear it?˝- Killer asked in an annoyed tone, it sounded even more nasal then usual. Maybe even accompanied by an eye roll.

˝You're humming. Is the ship ready to take on supplies and shit?˝- His coffee was getting cold and that only made him grumpy. Right from the morning, great.

˝Yeah, yeah, the crew is waking up and getting ready, we'll reach it under an hour or so.˝- Killer added. He lifted his mask and massaged his jaw. Kidd noticed stubble as yellow as egg yolk and snorted. - ˝What?˝

˝Nuthin', anyways wake me when we get here˝- Kidd turned to walk back into the belly of the ship. His cabin was in the far back, shelted by the rest of the cabins and rooms. It was a room littered in screws, books, scraps of metal and empty bottles. In the middle was his king sized bed with rumbled sheets. Kidd didn't care much for it, the most important thing was keeping the charts and books neat, everything else didn't matter really. Did Killer grunt? Maybe, he didn't care much, the coffee wasn't working so it was off to snooze land.

He fell onto the bed and exhaled into the sheets. The ship was still quiet, the crew slowly waking up and changing the night shift, preparing breakfast and readying the ship for docking. He could even sleep through the whole day and not miss a thing.

Well that was a lie, he'd miss how Killer would fidget and avoid his remarks. Maybe Heat would add something about the blue flames up his ass. He laughed into his mattracce. Something was poking his thigh. Groaning he turned over to find a metal pin sticking out of the matracce. Kidd rolled his eyes and flicked his finger activating the Devil fruit ability and moving the annoying thing. As soon as the pin hit the floor Kidd drifted to a dreamless nap.

* * *

The streets were busy, wasn't that what you wanted to read? People everywhere, merchants, travelers, ordinary folk going on with their merry business. Well, not quite. It was quiet. Empty and cold. The Kidd pirates were taking supplies and various things while the town yawned in its emptiness.

˝Guess like someone scared everyone away˝- a crew member commented. You couldn't even see him behind the boxes of toilet paper he was holding. - ˝I don't wanna wipe my ass with sea weed ever again˝- He added and took of for the ship. Killer chuckled and continued to walk through town. He left Kidd half dead in his bed and decided to ditch him for the resupplies. Why would he need him anyways? He'd be only poking his head or trying to scare someone or something. They would be done before the log pose would set this way.

The funny thing is he saw the first signs of this „friend"-of his and remembered a drunk night when Kidd had spilled some beans. Some juicy, dirty beans. Kidd was a lousy drunk and he had the memory of an elephant.

˝Killer! Look at this˝- One of the crew shouted from behind him. There was a door, left ajar, with red paint all over its hinges. A symbol, messily drawn was encircled. There was no mistaking the pungent smell of rusty nails and acidity. Blood.

˝I see, get the men away and tell them to finish up quickly˝- Something hit his arm. It was just a pat of cold. Snow flakes. This island was prone to change from autumn to winter in just a few hours.

˝Aye,aye!˝- He heard the men. Pulling out a small notebook and a pen from his back pocket he started to copy the symbol. A round shape filled with two smaller circles. There were numbers and letters inside. He recognized a constellation, the small dipper in the bottom corner. More symbols along the bottom left edge and what appeared to be a seven pointed star.

It wasn't like something he saw before, too many round shapes and drawn in blood on someone's door. It was fresh blood as well. The fruits and vegetables they've taken were fresh too, the baked goods still warm yet you could sense there wasn't anyone living here in months.

˝This place makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up˝- A familiar voice said. Killer almost jumped at the sudden sound. Growling he turned to Heat. The blunette grinned. ˝Jumpy?˝

˝This was deserted months ago, make everyone check the shit we take. It can't be just as easy˝

˝Why not? I mean, maybe they knew pirates would go through these waters and just said fuck it?˝- Heat suggested. He walked to the door and dipped his finger in the blood.- ˝It's animal, not human˝

˝Let's pack up and leave everything? Not possible and they could not have known and that was disgusting˝

˝Necessary, maybe a sacrifice or a protection spell˝- Heat said licking his finger clean.

˝Didn't know your tongue was blue˝

˝All of me is blue˝- Heat winked.

˝Aand I still think you're the only idiot crazy enough to call Kidd your best friend˝- The blunette laughed ˝Funny you use the word spell˝

˝I didn't meet our new friend, only what Kidd spoke of˝

˝Why the mystery?˝

˝Ask him, pretty sensitive about the stuff˝- Heat said biting his lip. His eyes were mischievously turned upwards. The fucker knew something but refused to say.

Killer groaned ˝I have this shit to deal and you want me to play games with Kidd? Again one of his stupid games, why can't he focus on the task ahead? Oh you know the fucking piracy?!˝

˝You get your period Killer?˝

˝I don't. get. Periods.˝

˝You sure?˝

˝Fuck you˝

˝We did that˝- Another smug wink. He got a groan in response. ˝Killer, chill you'll understand once we get to the Vulcan Island˝- That got his attention.

˝Vulcan?˝

˝Yup˝

˝Kidd has a friend alchemist?!˝

˝Sort of˝

* * *

a/n: This should answer who did who in the last chapter. I'm, late with the update I know, sorry.


End file.
